The root of it all

I think I have them..
I mean dont get me wrong... I love my Dad and have always been the apple of his eye but today when I am faced with questioning a lesson in dominance... how to counteract dominance of a male, it takes me back to my childhood and my family.. and I had to put this down.. It actually was an epiphany for me.
 We lived in a town but our ancestral home is in the village.. and well it housed a joint family with uncles and aunts and many cousins.

 The women in the house were busy with the kitchen and the males in the household were busy outside the house managing the farms and the land and the blah workings.. .
 Come winter... my Dad always had this ritual of taking me to the villages and have me familiarize with the workings of our society.. I was a single child and was being brought up in the town.. with so called modern facilities of the eighties and well, my dad always thought maybe that I might stray from my roots and always made sure I knew how to grind rice the natural way using Dekhi, how to puff smoke and make sure the embers were always burning to help my granny cook her food.

I had to know the ways of the our lives...
how the women lived, served, and managed the household...
I have to tell you I was the only girl child among many cousins who were only boys..  So all the more reason that I was brought up with the right set of values..

Yours truly was a very inquisitive and naughty kid who loved experiencing new things be in natural, be it in the kitchen, observing the fish in our own pond.. and yes running off now and then to play on her own... and a child with a mind of her own... a very big NO NO...

I remember I had a yellow helicopter which would fly and just because my cousin liked it in one of his visits, my father just gave it to him... without even considering my feelings..

So while I watched, I remember women being totally made to do what they had to, inside the household.. Women were not be seen outside the house, unless it was for a social occasion like visiting neighbors in groups of cousins and relatives... the ways of the village had its reasons I guess.

So when I broke through puberty in one of my vacations, the whole scenario changed, I was looked at with new eyes and there were new rules...

I was given a whole list of dos and donts... and the whole society had to know that I was a woman..
It shamed me and embarrassed me to no limits, I tried hiding behind the beetlenut trees to avoid being called at but the family was not having it. I had to face everyone, and the men said so.. it had to be formalized.

My inner rebellion started from then I think... I wanted my space my privacy and the men who comprised of the family wanted it otherwise.. it had to be an occasion.. And the women just had to follow that rule... my inner self totally abhorred that practice... why ?? I asked everyone...  no one cared to answer... Granny had a private moment with me and with her womanly wisdom explained whys and the hows of the society and I was calm...

All I needed was a logical answer and the task no matter how hard it is, was easy to accomplish.. but I was always rapped very sternly for even asking... by Dad... as he believed in the rules... he still does... he is great upholder of the rules... :) and that beats me.. :)

When there was an event corresponding to my ambitions for going out of Shillong and studying, I was stopped by the men in the family saying its not good for girls. One esteemed elderly lady relative also suggested I should be done with my 10th and given in marriage to a village boy.. and my dad could help others in the family...

I was shocked to hear that... and Boom Yet another nail for rebellion !!!!  Mostly because at one point my dad was actually considering this...
My mom stood up and said nothing doing... I am going to go for my studies and building a career and thats that...

So I struggle to convince my Dad to let me go to Delhi and study architecture... and BANG, it was a direct refusal... he wanted what his brothers thought was best.. I should become a doctor... and off came a group of male relatives to convince me and at the same time pressure me to get into the medical world..
BOOM, another nail....  Nope I wouldn't have that... and I was amazed how the male members would just flock together to shape my future.. what they thought was best.. and a win win.. for all..
Living in the hostel, I had to be kept under surveillance, I could not talk to guys, The fact that I was in a co-ed college was immaterial, I was also labelled a loose woman because one of the male relative saw me talking to my college classmate.. on the road...

I could not take swimming classed because my uncle thought that my father would have a heart attack.. if  i did... ( go figure)
I actually did many things successfully without the male population knowing and all encouraged by my women relatives.. my mom specially to fly as high as I could..

Marriage and Kanyadaan. I cannot get over the fact that my father giving up this significant responsibility to his brother.. showing him respect... and not thinking how it would impact me... it still gets to me... but I overlook it.. does not matter... the men have spoken

My father trusts his brothers implicitly which is good but at the risk of alienating his daughter totally, like treating me as an outsider... he does not know that I am his greatest supporter, I am part of him and I am his person.. his brothers are ok but they have a different life and priority... he does not realise that he is my first priority and always will be... and I have given up... on having him understand that...

At very important milestones of my life, things could not materialize because Dad was advised not to let me go ahead with it...
So the nails have been adding to my coffin of rebellion and I have been fighting it all the way, to such an extent that I have removed myself from that society totally and though I wish them well, I cannot exist in that social framework with prejudice and bias against women.. who work, who achieve, who struggle, who want to make a difference in life...

Today, I am faced with an individual which embodies the very structure of thought and lifestyle that I have rejected and discarded... from my life... and I am forced to interact with this soul whether I want it or not... and that my dear blog is what I need to face and make peace with...

The fact that I have to accept this line of thinking and living and be okay with it... observe and let go without judgements... seeing the Buddha in that soul as well...
Inversely seeing the Buddha in all the male population of my Family tree and realizing that its ok... they have a way, you can still live with your way...

AND THAT is letting me break out of my coffin.... break all the nails... that enclosed my belief of being stuck... I am not stuck... I am always free to choose my way.... the right way for me... to live and to percolate it down to whoever it matters...