Receiving and Giving

Being with myself and connecting to my creator is slowly filling me with new joy. Keeping that joy inside.. which leads to contentment no matter what is going on outside... I was thinking on the lines of giving and receiving.

I have been always struggling to find a balance within giving and receiving..
I know that if I love to give I should love to receive as well..

I have been thinking from childhood that giving is the way to be... do not think about receiving..
Even parents, always very miserly about praise they would always find means of improvements so that I would be driven to achieve higher and higher... I did that... but they never realised that they were chipping off my self worth when they were criticizing or even being very reluctant in appreciation..

I do not know if its the Indian culture but praise from loved ones is very rare.. I would bask in the love and praise of my aunt who is very close to me, who would quietly keep encouraging me... say that I did great and I could do more... even at my lowest moments, she would deflect my attention to something good in me and make me move forward... I would be very guilty about accepting praise but I would still feel guiltily happy..

Anyway, so as I grew up, I felt that I should always give, and that has been going on... for a while... I gave my time, my money, my friendship and if someone tried to give something back to me, I gave some more as if to show I could be more giving...

If any one complimented me, I would balk at it...
If any one gifted me, I would be very uncomfortable..
and so on..

I also thought that it was a sin to receive...  and well, everything would get twisted, I would attract the wrong kind of friends who would just take advantage of me... because they did not have to give anything...

Till I met one of very good friends, she taught me, she is younger than me by a couple of years and she would scold me into taking her  love and her gifts... she and me are spiritual soul mates and the love we feel for each other transcends any human form, its linked to god and very holy and pure...

I have seen her through her bacherlorhood, now a mother of 2 kids and she is the same inside..
She never tires of giving me her share  of love and just love....
Its very nice when I think I taught her concepts and got her into the spiritual path and she has been my teacher in receiving...

So I slowly have changed... she insists that if I do that, I can attract more and more abundance from the universe...

And yes internally also I have changed.. I now accept compliments... I treasure gifts... and I love to receive love... :)

And the CRUX of it is that I have been able to make better choices in life..
I have been able to see the frou frou souls who just hang out with you to seep the energy off
I have been able to see the genuine souls who mean well for you
and well I have been able to make peace with my beautiful self in that process..
I have more and more confidence in my inner beauty and find everyone else beautiful
it also has enabled me to see the good in a very muddied soul as well...
I think there are many more side benefits..
and it has helped me guide the young ones who hunger for a good word... and I see how many miles they go when you do the appreciation genuinely... it makes me happy..

So I think its a beautiful thought..

and what sprouted this post in my mind...

While entering the lift, today a stranger, a girl, who does not know me, suddenly stopped her conversation on the phone, and genuinely gave me a compliment... I was surprised and very gladly said thank you... with a smile... ( my inner self was actually watching on high alert for me to spoil it... buhahaha but I did not)

I received without guilt and pride... and that made me pause...

So my friends, if you have children, siblings, do not miss out on encouraging them even when they accomplish tiny things.. its the tiny things that build the foundation... you are actually building the blocks of self confidence and the self belief of doing something successful... inspite of many failures...

So sometimes you will not get from who you expect to receive but there will be someone else waiting to give you shower you with their love...be it a friend, a sister, a brother or anyone... :) you just have to look and be aware and open to receiving without conditioning the fact that only this person or that person has to give back... that will mess you up... :)